You’ve heard of the “Stone Age,” the “Iron Age” and the “Information Age.” This is the “Viagra Age” — the era of male impotence. Television commercials say 1/3 of all men suffer from “erectile deficiency” attributed to high blood pressure, prostate cancer, or diabetes.
I suspect that often the real culprit is feminism. Women should empower men but for a long time, they’ve been doing the opposite. Instead of taking the Viagra pill, men need to reclaim their masculine power.
In the workplace, a man can accept leadership from a competent woman. But in the intimate sphere, a man who takes orders from a woman is not a man, and usually can’t perform like one. He sees his mother and feels like a child again.
Power is synonymous with masculine identity. Impotent literally means “powerless.” We would never say a woman is “impotent.” Rather, she is “infertile” or “frigid” reflecting her passive or receptive role.
A man cannot love if he does not have power. He exercises his power on behalf of his wife and family. Women take away male power and wonder why they aren’t loved.
I felt liberated after I finally understood the power dynamic. I decided to look abroad for a traditional woman. After a misstep in the Philippines (described in my book A Long Way to Go for a Date), I married an educated, intelligent Mexican woman from a secular Jewish background similar to my own. For the first time in my life, I have found contentment and so has she. We have an almost frictionless relationship.
She tells me what she’s thinking but she never tells me what to do. She avoids the 4 C’s: She does not complain, criticize, control and compete. In the past, women constantly blackmailed me by childish scenes or passive-aggressive tactics. I found myself cringing in expectation of this. It doesn’t happen.
The division of labor reflects our preferences. I do all the shopping and cooking. She mows the lawn.
The gesture of a man opening a door for a woman illustrates how men and women should relate. We all know a woman can open a door herself. But when a man does it, he is affirming her femininity, beauty or charm. When she accepts this gesture, she is validating his masculine power. This trade, woman surrendering her power in exchange for man’s love, is the essence of heterosexuality. In order to develop emotionally, men and women need this mutual validation as much as sex itself. Exclusive sex is an expression of it.
Under the toxic influence of feminism, women open their own doors. Neither sex’s identity is validated, neither matures emotionally. Men feel redundant and impotent; women feel rejected and unsexed.
RESTORING MALE POWER
The following are some practical tips to help men restore their power.
The best way to select a woman is to make a reasonable request. If she clicks her heels, salutes and says, “Oui, mon Capitain,” she’s eligible. (I’m exaggerating.) On a summer day, before I remarried, I met a young woman who was rollerblading. I asked her to take off her sunglasses so I could see her face. She obeyed. That was a positive early sign. Courtship is the process by which a man earns a woman’s trust (love) so that she will accept his leadership. Men express love in terms of benevolent power and perceive a women’s love as her acceptance of his protection. A woman wants a man to make her feel secure.
Feminism encourages men to pursue “independent” women and reject the women they actually need. If a woman wants to be “independent,” she doesn’t want you. If her dating profile says “Are you man enough for me?” or “I’m high maintenance,” decline the challenge. Life is too short. Marriage is not about independence. It is about two people becoming one and that only happens when a woman surrenders leadership to a man.
Men give their power to a woman in hopes of getting love, sex and beauty. For a while she is flattered, but ultimately she cannot respect a man she can control. Women trade power for love. When men do it, they become women. A woman wants to be drafted not petitioned. She wants a man to have a wholesome vision of his life, in which she has an essential place. This vision need not be elaborate or complicated. It could involve a life focused on mutual values and interests, like children, music, health food, church, sports, dogs or the outdoors.
There is a book entitled: Why do I Think I am Nothing Without a Man (1982) The author, Dr. Penelope Russianoff, tries to help women overcome this feeling. The truth is, this feeling is grounded in reality. Self-fulfillment for a woman is when the “self” is her husband and children. Women self-sacrifice and serve; in return, they are deservedly cherished. If the “self” is her personal satisfaction and career, she is already full and filled. Her husband and children are secondary.
Most women really crave their husband’s intense and exclusive love. In her book, The Psychology of Women, (1944) psychiatrist Helene Deutsche said woman are masochistic-narcissistic by nature. They sacrifice (masochism) in exchange for love (narcissism.) She is his queen. He is her Knight in Shining Armour. It’s Power for Love. If he does not reward her sacrifice with love, the contract is null and void.
A man wouldn’t be attracted to so many beautiful women if he asked, “to which woman can I entrust my spirit?” His seed is the symbol of his spirit. Similarly, the sex act is very invasive for a woman. It should be reserved for love, ideally marriage. Anonymous sex and promiscuity are dehumanizing and degrading, proof that society has been invaded by a perverse occult force. (Cabalism.)
We really seek intimacy. You cannot have intimacy without love and commitment.
A man can reclaim his identity by recognizing that his power is non-negotiable. It represents his ability to love. It is the essence of his masculinity.
A man should focus on women who are receptive to him and ignore the rest. She may be behind a counter rather than an executive desk, a barista rather than a brain surgeon.
A single man should be aggressive and quickly sift without concern for rejection. Be wary of women who are from broken marriages or hate their fathers.
A man must be prepared to offer the right woman a profound relationship. She is not interested in “hooking up.” She does not want to be “gamed.” She is the ground on which he cultivates a family. He “husbands.” Single men are so passive and juvenile today that single women are climbing the walls. We need to “man up.” As my father taught me, work is the backbone of a man. He must find self-confidence in professional achievement and recognition.
Men represent the active principle; women the passive. We have the power and if we don’t use it constructively, we will continue to fail women.